As some of you are aware, there has been a lot happening behind the scenes here at Moonbeams in the past couple of months. Since I started this journey with my business I have always been very adamant about keeping a sense of my personal life separate from Moonbeams, while pulling back the curtain as much as possible to let you all know that I am in fact human and a real person behind the screen. When I started Moonbeams I had a huge piece of me missing. I was living in California and had just had a massive surgery to remove a spreading disease (fuck you endometriosis), leading to numerous infertility issues and finally, a full removal of what ‘makes’ me a ‘woman’. I felt a need to fulfill my life with happiness and creativity, and thus; Moonbeams was born. A year later I packed up my home in California, left the west behind and moved to Michigan. Closer to family and a sense of who I once was.
It was at this time that my partner, the only person who had been with me on my journey with Moonbeams, through my numerous medical ailments/surgeries, and adventure across the country, left me. I was gutted. Moonbeams became the only thing I had that connected me to my life in San Diego and my new life in Detroit. I was working three jobs to make ends meet and not let anyone know how bad I was struggling. Rather than shut down and run away from my pain, I turned my focus to my products. I made more scents that evoked how I was feeling and wanted to feel, rather than let you all know that I was at the lowest point in my life and was desperate for a feeling of normalcy and stability.
And then, the tides began to turn. I was offered a great position as a manager at a therapy center. Overseeing clients with various physical and mental disabilities in the turbulent city of Detroit. Moonbeams began to thrive more than it ever had as well! Finally, I felt like I had purpose! As my spirits picked up, so did the zany concoctions I came up with, and an old friend became something much much more. In a way, Stella (or in this case Stephanie) got her groove back! It’s now been almost two years to the day and I can finally say that I am in a place where I am happy and comfortable… but am I truly?
Moonbeams was always supposed to just be something fun I did on the side, something I did that was an outlet for my creativity and a way to fill a void in the wax world. A month ago I moved into a new home. A real house! Not an apartment, not a rented space, but a house I and the Manbeam own. I didn’t tell anyone as it was too chaotic with the pre-order and everything happening at the time. Our house comes with a MASSIVE work area (a real dream come true!), and more space than any of our fragrance oils can fill! But… it also comes with a neglected yard, a basement that is prone to flooding and a bathroom that is baby powder pink from the 50’s that is absolutely hideous and needs to be gutted! And I am neglecting it. I also took a promotion this summer. I not only manage therapy services in Detroit and the greater metro Detroit area, but also the entire Chicago Public School system. My 8 hour days have turned in to 9/10 hours most days of the week leaving me mentally drained.
And… I’m also beginning to neglect the Manbeam and what little time we have together. As a firefighter and an EMT his work schedule requires him to be at the station working 24 hour shifts. Leaving our time together dwindling on top of these house projects and personal work schedules. And with Moonbeams at its largest, I am being forced to put my business over my new home, and often times over my family and friends. It’s causing some clashes.
And that’s why I am here to let you know that after the holidays I will be taking a break. Between working a full time job, running a business that is now to the point that it is a full time job, trying to maintain new friendships, and most importantly spending time with my family, I have made the decision to change the way Moonbeams does things in order to stay true to myself and what’s the most important in life.
I have thought long and hard about this decision and how it will play out.
- Do I just shut it all down before it implodes?
- Do I leave it all without saying a word like so many other companies I have seen do?
- Or do I switch to a new release calendar, something more bi-monthly, or even quarterly like some of the larger shops in the wax world?
I think you know I would never turn my back on you or ever leave you hanging. It’s not who I am and it’s not how I would ever want my business run. After a lot of writing and thinking and consulting my coven (I’m looking at you Nichol and Amanda…) I have decided to go with a mixture of the latter. Once the New Year rolls around I will not be doing a monthly restock, but will rather see how things go. I still have a literal shit ton of oils here that need to be made into familiar and brand new scents, as well as more pages of recipe ideas than I know what to do with. So Moonbeams won’t be disappearing entirely, but rather spreading ourselves, err… myself, out better so as to not burn out and pull a Britney ala 2007 on you all.
What does that mean for the rest of 2019? Well, after this pre-order that has left me exhausted; (it was our biggest feat to date: we made 241 Sky Bars and 2106 Moon Rocks in 4 weeks) the remaining scents will be up on the site soon, 45 scents all ready to go as RTS items. I have a new holiday collection in the works that is getting its final touches and should be making its debut in late November (it’s dark, and controversial and everything that Moonbeams has always thrived on!). And then… I will work on 2020. I may make a few returning scents for the winter time here and there, but have no real plans to release products for a couple months after the holidays.
Will the inspiration and need to create come back to me? Abso-fucking-lutely! Most importantly I don’t want to put a product out into the world that’s quickly mass produced and doesn’t have my love and positivity poured into every fricken bit of wax. I think we can all agree, there are plenty of brands and companies that already do that, and Moonbeams just doesn’t shine that way.
So… I will be keeping the socials and site up for the time being, but will let you all know if something should happen in the meantime. I love each and every one of you and will be eternally grateful for these past 3 ½ years of making the weirdest blends, and most absurdly named products around. This isn’t goodbye, but rather a declaration of my love and fondness for customers that have turned into friends, and an idea that has forever changed my life.